Stressed

I got up at quarter after 7, hoping to steal some time to myself. Sounds like the girls are already waking up so this will be short.

I wish I could tell you I've done some more knitting since the last time I posted, but time for those pursuits has been sparse and it shows in my stress levels. I have had maybe two hours combined of time for myself this week - to knit or work on a project, something not work, chores or baby-chasing.

OK,I'm going to catch myself before I walk the fine line between explaining a problem and gratuitous bitching. The problem now is that I feel guilty because I'm not home with the kids during the day and he takes full advantage of that and gets on the computer pretty much the second I walk in the door and stays there all night. This leaves me handling the kids by myself. Even having helping hands over, it's still just enough so I can go get a shower or make dinner - I still have to nurse babies, organize the baths and pj's, and get them to sleep. I feel like I should give him time away from the kids - after all, I've been away all day. But then I also feel like I've got a lot more to do - making meals, housework that gets overlooked, dishes, putting out the trash. And the kicker is he's been out of work this week and I feel like I've worked harder at home with him here than I do when he's working.

I am so tired of this. I am tired of not being able to talk about it without starting a fight. I'm tired of being taken for granted and having my needs ignored. Babies are up. Gotta go. Because, of course, he won't get up and take care of them so I can have some goddamn time to myself.

I miss knitting.